Having a son means I'll have to let go.

I'll be honest. I wanted another daughter. Crockett and I both did. From the moment we found out there was a life growing in me we hoped, dreamed, and prayed it would be a girl. He adjusted quickly when we found out we were having a boy. It took me a little longer. Here's why. 1.) The only thing I know about raising boys firsthand comes from watching my sister raise my nephews and the close interactions I've had with them. They outnumber her and both have ADHD. The way she has adapted to parent them, while successful for her, is not something I think I could do. They are rambunctious, dirty, loud, destructive little fellas. (Of course they have their precious, snugly, completely sweet moments too.) While I love them with all of my heart; they absolutely TERRIFY me. 2.) Andi was born in December. This baby is due in January. A girl would mean we were completely set in the seasonal and gender department regarding everything. Nursery decor, clothes, toys, you name it. We saved everything. 3.) I take my role as a mother, specifically to a daughter, very seriously and I absolutely LOVE it. I fail at it every single day, but it truly brings me joy to know that it is my responsibility to model for my daughter(s) what it means to chase Jesus every day with all of your heart. I enjoy modeling and inviting Andi into the learning of how to cook, clean, read and memorize scripture, and obey and respect Daddy. I love that it's my role that will have the biggest impact on her little life when it comes to what she thinks about Godly womanhood. It's a huge responsibility and one I do not take lightly. Like I said, I screw it up hourly, but it brings me immense joy. 4.) I love all things girl. Bows, glitter, nail polish, dresses, shoes, playing princesses, doing hair, watching princess movies, etc. It's all I ever wanted in life! 5.) And the biggest reason of all. I want to give Andi a sister close in age. I know it's out of my control (obviously) and I've been reprimanded for this thought, but this truly comes from good intentions, not a desire to control the world. My sister and I are 3 years apart and always wished we were even closer in age. We are best friends and while it wasn't that way until high school, I treasure our friendship as adults and can't imagine not having it. I know it's not a guarantee that if I were to have 2 girls they would follow the same path, but man do I want to pray for that and hope for that. It's not that I didn't want a son. It's that I wanted another girl first so she'd be closer in age to Andi and then I'd love a son later. Is that too controlling? Is it wrong to hope for a certain gender for semi-selfish reasons? If you ask my mom, she'd say yes, BUT I have come to accept that this little baby inside me is in fact a boy and not a girl. I will have a son, and while it's taken me longer to adjust to that and I did have to grieve for my plan, I'm excited to be a boy mom and hopeful for the sibling relationship between my kids. 

There is one thing, though, that has always been in the back of my mind. A fear about having a son. With a boy, I know there will come a day that he will replace me as the most important woman in his life and there will be another girl who will make her house his home. Initially, this sounded like the worst thing that could happen to a mother, but as I've reflected on my own marriage and sought what the Lord has to say about this area, I've already begun praying that my flesh would yield to the Father's will with my son, who is ultimately His and not mine.

Here's the prayer I've started and will continue repeating until the day that I die because this is certainly an area Satan will try to use to attack my faith and make me doubt:
First of all, Lord, may both my son and his future wife be yours. May they run after you first and each other second. Save them. Lift the veil and invite them into your irresistible, saving grace. Give them both a deep desire to honor their covenant to you and to each other all the days of their marriage.

Help me to love her like a daughter and may she know that she is welcome in our family; that she is not an outsider welcomed in as a guest, but a sovereignly placed missing piece. May she feel that I value her as a person, but also as a wife. May I make it plainly obvious that I respect her position as his priority and that I am FOR her marriage. When the vow is made before you, Lord, her heart becomes his home. 

From my womb, to my arms, I will carry this little boy and love him with the deepest love I can offer. I will dedicate decades of energy, time, and resources helping him grow into a God-fearing man who desires to leave his loyalty to me and when she comes along, Lord, help me to let go as they become one.

Give me grace when he misses his first Thanksgiving to spend with her family or eats foods she cooks that he never ate of mine. Fill my heart with patience and understanding when he's not at family events or doesn't call as much as he used to. Guide my tongue to be slow to speak and offer advice only when he asks for it. Help me Lord, to desire these things even when I don't. 

Help me to remember all the days of his life Jesus, that he is yours. Not mine. Raising him will be a privilege and I praise you for his life and all that he will become for your glory. I praise you for her life and all that she will become for your glory. Please guide and protect the future Mrs. Denton Thompson, whom I already love and cherish.


"But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10: 6-9