After 18 unsuccessful months of trying to get pregnant we have decided to pursue adoption. We are still in the very beginning stages and by no means will have a child in our home instantly. We are still praying about which adoption path to proceed with and have an orientation tomorrow that will give us more information about our options.
We always knew we wanted to adopt one day, but we had imagined that we'd have natural children first. Now that we're learning life doesn't play out by our laid out plans we are seeking what God would have for us concerning parenthood. We are incredibly nervous & excited. This is brand new territory for both of us and we are leaning completely on the Lord's direction.
I had to come to a point where I let go of having a child naturally. We are absolutely still trying and I'm going to continue my medication and then see a specialist when the time comes, but I had to come to the very difficult realization that I am not in charge of this. I had a serious rant at God and dealt with anger and sadness for a while. I have felt like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. One month I'm content and the next I'm eager and anxious. I still struggle to daily give up my desires for my life to God, but I can say that the Lord has worked in my heart and lead me to a peaceful place. I am asking literally every day that God would give me contentment in my present while seeking to better my future. I am working towards quite a few things right now:
- Getting pregnant
- Adopting a child
- Finding a teaching job
- Getting my permanent Michigan certification
- Paying off debt/meeting my financial goals
- Losing the last 10 pounds
Most days I feel incredibly stretched thin, but I am praying for peace in the moment and the ability to trust God on faith alone. I can't wait to share with you as we go along this new journey into adoption.
"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children."