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Friday, December 26, 2008

haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love

To Whom It May Concern,
Why must you hate? Warning someone you love about a situation that you find dangerous is loving them, but constantly trashing that situation after you've brought it to their attention and they have honestly addressed it, is hating. So why hate? If you love him so much why don't you want him to be happy? If you truly are concerned he's going to get hurt again, why are you hurting him by constantly talking negatively at him? Do you believe that out there in the world there is a girl who will honestly love him and protect him? So why can't I be her? Because he's 18? Because we're still in college? Because we have only known each other 2 months? Well let me tell you that love does not know age, nor time, nor place. Love is about two people who were destined to find each other. It doesn't care where they are in their lives when they meet, or how long they've lived, or even how long they've known each other. Besides, none of this is any of your business. Who he loves is none of your concern. He's happy. He's smiling. He is safe. He is loved. Walls he put up years ago are coming down and he's learning to trust again. Damage done by others is starting to heal. He's in love. Why are you trying to kill that joy for him?
I in no way have to explain myself to you and you are in no place to judge me or my relationship with him, but here is the truth.
I love him. With all that I am, I truly love him. I wake up each morning and fall asleep each night thinking of him. I can't get enough of him. He is everything to me. You think this won't last? I knew the moment I laid eyes on him that he meant something to me. Almost immediately my heart recognized who he was, my other half. The one God designed with me in mind. Yes we fell in love fast, but it's because we have been looking for each other for a long time and we finally saw what we always wanted. How do you not fall fast when you finally meet the one? You think we're all happy and just so infatuated with new love that we aren't in a real relationship? We have problems. Real problems. Just like the next couple. But we work them out. We deal with each problem so that we never have that issue again. We solve everything and find a compromise. Neither one of us is sacrificing anything. If you actually got to know me you'd see that every issue, every single important moral and value in his life is the exact same in mine. We truly do not have one single difference when it comes to how we life our lives regarding the decisions we make. We have set boundaries in our relationship to not only prevent cheating, but prevent the temptation, the bad situation, and even the way it might look to others. We make time for each other but we always have time with our families and friends. We go to church together every Sunday and we remain second in each other's lives only to God.
What you don't understand is that your disbelief and negativity will do nothing. Nothing you could possibly do or say will effect God's divine plan for our lives. We will be togther next semester while he's away. We will go to North Texas together. We will get married under the stars. We will have beautiful children. We will grow old together.

The future Mrs. Thompson

Thursday, November 27, 2008

2 hearts now 1

I walked around my entire life only half alive and didn't even know it. I never felt the joy that only true love can bring. I was so caught up in finding it and trying to immulate what I'd seen in other couples that I tried to hold on to a fake version and let myself get broken.
You did the same. Living your life without being loved the right way. According to the girls who "loved" you, love was cheating, lying, and hurting.
We didn't know what was missing until the day we found each other. I don't think God could have made two people more perfect for each other. There's a reason we agree on every important issue, never run out of things to talk about, have the same tastebuds, and even feel the exact same way about each other... because we are 2 pieces to a bigger puzzle. Alone we are only half and when we are together, we are whole. We are both complete in Christ, but there's something we feel, something we breathe in when we're together. It's something you only get from your one true love, the one God intended you to find. The one he lead you down all those rocky roads so you could finally get to. You hold my heart wherever you go and I have yours with me. Separated we could never cheat, because we don't have our hearts with us. How could anyone steal my heart when it's in your hands?
You are my shooting stars wish and I am the one you never thought you'd find.
We used to be 2 and now we are 1.
I love you Crockett Thompson.

"Here" by Rascal Flatts
There's a place I've been looking for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple times, even settled down
And I'd hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me

And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads
I had to take
To get me in your arms that way
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to-here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you

And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for all the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
Oh, baby-OooOh, got me here

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i can't stop smiling

i am absoluetly, 100% in love.

and it feels like i'm floating.

<3 cwt <3

Friday, November 7, 2008


is it possible to love a child this much when he's not your own? dallas sillman is the most precious little boyi have ever known. he's very emotional and a little aggressive. he's stubborn and when he wakes up from nap the first thing he needs is a hug. he tells me to come to his house every day and the moment i walk in the door each morning i get the best hug in the world from him. we play this game called baby dallas and he loves me. almost as much as i love him. i can put him in time out and yell at him and he still adores me. just like he can not listen and hit kids but i still adore him. i miss him when i go home and on the weekends i wish i could see him. he is my love and the reason i go to work. i love that little boy and he is a blessing in my life, a light in my day. i'm so incredibly lucky to be his teacher.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

perfect love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."
[I Corinthians 13:4-8a]

Sunday, November 2, 2008

him <3

his favorite color is red, but he looks best in blue. he can dance. he can sing. he loves scary things, but he's afraid of dark figures. he has green eyes, but at night they turn honey. his favorite drink is milk. his hand is bigger than mine, but his fingers fit perfectly between mine. he's there to win. he listens to all sorts of music. his favorite band is switchfoot. he's popular and has tons of friends, but he's scared he'll get hurt... especially by me. his laugh is addictive. his voice is soothing and reassuring. when he puts his hands on my hips, i feel beautiful. Christ is his number 1. he loves cheeseburgers. his touch makes me melt. he loves his family, especially his twin sister. he really wants to go to italy and france. his greatest memories are from summers spent on rec team. he played texas high school football, and won state. he's always honest. if he could live anywhere it'd be colorado or hawaii. his lips are soft. he is romantic. he's outragous and dangerous. he likes stars. he does not eat fruit or vegetables [except corn]. he's never had a starbucks drink. he says hilarious things when he's tired. he is a great story teller. he actually likes the sound of music. he loves sports, especially water sports. he is beautiful in every sense of the word. he'll do anything if you say he won't or can't. he makes me feel invincible. he's crazy about me.

he has my heart.

Monday, October 27, 2008

learning to fly

so everyone know my horror story of a relationship that i was in for nearly 4 years. and at first i wasn't bitter at all, then it slowly sunk in and i became full of anger and resentment. it wasn't until many months later that i began to take a look at my heart and try to reestablish who i am. i suffered from loneliness like i didn't think was possible. i love having "me time" but i was dying for some kind of relationship. i did what i always do when i have no one left... i turned to my God. [the one who fixed what that boy broke.] i have been praying a lot about what God's plan is and just basically asking him to give me something. i've been looking for answers and hearing silence. but he gave me little direction and while it wasn't exactly what i wanted, it was something. so i've been listening really hard and hearing him say to wait for the guy who will pray with me, pray for me. the one who will be able to love one person at a time, even when it's hard. one who has saved himself for me and hasn't been with all these other people. i said, seriously God? that guy doesn't exist. but he gave me other things to focus on, because being a relationship isn't my purpose. my purpose is serving him, loving little ones and showing them his love, loving the rejected, being a witness in my walk, my talk, and my life. so i focusssed on work, and finding my service. and now i'm starting to understand why God lead me down the path he did. he had me love the wrong person for so long and prove that i could be faithful and true to one who didn't deserve it, so that when i finally get the one who is right for me, i'll already know what to do. i can appreciate the good when i've had the bad. i feel blessed. i loved with all my heart. i got hurt, but i was caught by the most merciful God. i made mistakes i wish i could take back, but now i can truly understand what forgiveness means. i have experienced so much and learned so much about myself. i've truly fallen in love with Christ and i can honestly say i trust him with all my heart, he knows what he's doing with my life. i'm excited to see what he brings me next. :D

Saturday, September 27, 2008



i claim to have felt this before. in 2 ways, the receiving and giving end. have i really loved? yes. definitely. i have this little sister and she is my whole entire world. there is absolutely nothing she could do to ever make me stop loving her. she's tried; not on purpose tho. the indescribable feeling in my soul for her is the definition of unconditional love on earth. i can't imagine feeling stronger for someone, not even my child.
i love my mother. but in a more greatful way than my sister. i'm so thankful for all the sacrifices she's made for me and impressed by all she's overcome in life.
i love my father. but in a "i wish i knew you, i'm sure we would have been inseperable" kinda way.
i have been told that i am loved before. my "first love". did he really love me? how could he? he was only 18 when we started dating and 22 when we broke up. the things he did... the way he treated me, spoke to me... if those things are really love then i don't wanna love. but i know that that's not love. not real love.
i was loved by another. he too, broke my heart. but his was more of a "im human mistake" than a " i know what im doing and i know it hurts you" mistake. but i know love takes many forms and i'm still trying to figure out his.
i was loved in a definite friend zone. my best friend. :) but that love died with time. isn't love supposed to be eternal?

i think i've decided that i have truly experienced loving someone else. family, friend, and romantic kinds. and i've experienced true family and maybe friend love. but i don't think i've truly been loved romanticly. and maybe that's why i want to see what it's like. what it's really like to love someone and have them love you back. that must be a heavenly feeling.

there's one more kind of love i've felt. the best kind. the most perfect kind. God's unconditional, eternal love. i really can't explain what it's like to be carried when i'm left standing alone and unable to breathe. when i'm feeling desperate and alone, knowing the one who made me this way, did it for a reason and said his work "is good."

Monday, September 22, 2008


so i feel like im a big mess right now. everywher i turn around i have something to fix or organize or prepare or read. i have books that need to be read coming out the wazoo! i feel so incredibly disorganized and i'm a super organized person. by 5 o'clock my classroom looks like a disaster. by bed time my room looks like a pig pen. and by 6 am i am fighting everything in me to not just hit 'off' and roll over. im exhausted. im stressed. im starting to feel like areas of my life are lacking... like my teaching. i totally forgot to do a worksheet today. and i have no idea when i'm going to make it up. i'm already a week behind because of ike. my kids don't listen and after 3 i don't speak calmly on eye level and put in time out. i raise my voice and tell kids to "dry it up". i'm tired of them not listening to me and when a parent comes in the room and i am distracted by telling them how johnny try to kill suzie, the rest of the class starts literally running around the room and throwing cars! what on earth?? they push every chance they get. constantly trying to get away with something. andrew looks at me like i am speaking a foreign language and joseph sings when he's in time out, completely unphased. celina is terror in the form of a 4 year old and i have to just walk out the room so i don't slap her. luke is precious and smart yet tries sooo hard to get away with everything. maybe i'm not cut out for this. i'm not nearly as patient as i thought i was and even though i pray everyday for it, it's not coming...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

food for thought

so i'm reading this book called "God's blogs" [i've read it before. twice.]
i highly recommend it.
there's a chapter about anger and how anger basically comes down to not getting what we want.
it says that when we don't get what we want, it's probably because we don't really want it.
we all want to be happy and we don't always know what will make us happy. sometimes we think we do, but we don't see the bigger picture. God does. so when he says no, it's probably because in the long run...
it's not something that would have made us haappy
[ie. not something we really want]
interesting way to look at it.


being a preschool teacher, i have found myself saying things that most people might find odd. so i've decided to keep a record of them.

things i find myself saying on a daily/regular basis:
"did you wipe?"
"joseph, get your hands out of your pants."(everyday)
"did someone poop their pants?"
"girls, stop playing in the bathroom."
"why is there more than one person peeing in that toilet?"
"pull your pants all the way up before you come out of the bathroom."
"do we eat play dough?"
"do we cut our friends' hair with our scissors? do we cut our own hair?"
"go potty."
"luke, why are you sitting on marcus'/kennedy's head?"
"put a bubble in your mouth."

things my kids have said that made me chuckle:
me-"what month are we in?"
katie- "september."
joseph-"and then comes november!!"
me-"after october, that's right. then comes november."
joseph-"and then santa comes!"
me-"very good joseph."
joseph-"and then we wash our hands."

me-"today we are going to read this book. it's called 'things i like'."

dallas-"ms. becca, my daddy put medicine on my bottom to keep it warm." (rubbing his bottom)

joseph-"my mommy says when i touch my wee wee it means i have to go potty."

me-"what's your middle name kennedy?"
kennedy- "i don't know."
cash- "i know my middle name!"
me- "what is it?"
cash- "cash money."

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Here's To You

PaTrIcK EdWaRd CoGgInS
Best Friend. United States Marine. Son. American. Grandson. Cowboy. Texan. Brother. Hero.
Loving. Strong. Caring. Kind. Genuine. Honest. Loyal. Determined.
Appreciated. Missed. Wanted. Needed. Loved.
You were my best friend as a child. I wasn't shy or nervous around you. I wasn't scared to be myself or easily embarressed. You were just a boy and I was just a girl and we had fun together. As we got older I developed a big fat crush on you. I was suddenly carefully picking out my clothes for church and making sure my hair was done and I had make up on at youth events. Then came the jealousy for every other girl you talked to. I was very quickly falling for my partner in crime, my buddy, my one constant, my very best friend. In junior high you became my boyfriend and to this day we reminisce about chess and ice cream. Then there came a kiss that forever changed our relationship. We ended that summer unsure about the future and embarked on the crazy journey called high school. We fell apart and back together... about a dozen times. We had fights and we had amazing times together. We broke each others hearts and somewhere along the way we fell in love. But not the kind that other people know about. It was a love that only you and I knew about or understand. You summed it up when you whispered in my ear, "You and me, we're always gunna love each other, no matter what." Throughout time, no matter who else was in the picture there remained a special place in each of our lives for each other. I know I had a hard time explaining you to my boyfriends. Here we are. Fifteen years in the making. I still don't know how to explain what we have to other people and it almost makes me laugh when they try to put it into words. We know what it is, and that's all that matters. I don't know the future for you or I, but I know that we'll be friends forever. I know that I love you. I miss you everyday and at the end of the day I wish I could just call you up and talk to you. I regret the times I could have spent with you and didn't, but I relive the memories I do have everyday and I can't wait to make more. You, my friend are an amazing person, an amazing friend. I know you doubt so much, about life, love, and how you play a part in this big world. But I hope you know there is one place you will always belong. Beside me. Helping me face my fears. Holding my hand. P & B forever. I look up to you and I am priviledged and honored to know you. I am a better person because of it.

Like an Alcoholic??

I met my mother for lunch the other day and when I left I told her I was going to stop by Books-A-Million and she made a comment that I was insulted by. She said, "O no. You shouldn't do that. It's like an alcoholic in a bar." :O What?? Now I know I have been known to drop large sums of money in bookstores but goodness... that was extreme. Well I bought 13 books; maybe it wasn't so extreme. I have an addiction. Children's book. They get me every time. Books in general are usually my weakness. I have several favorites in each catagory.
My favorite as a child: "The Island of the Blue Dolphin"
My favorite classic: "Swiss Family Robinson"
My favorite series: "Harry Potter" & "Twilight"
My favorite as a teen: "The Earth My Butt & Other Big Round Things"
My favorite "God" book: "Captivating" & "God's Blogs"
There's no way I could choose a favorite children's book, as I collect them and have way too many to pick a favorite. I went to the library today to get books for my classroom. The themes are garden and farm and our letter is A. I walked out with 20 books. I'm crazy about books! I guess it's true, like an alcoholic.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I've got beef with this blogger site... I'm having to create a new one and I'm not so happy. :(