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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The saddest thing they've told me yet

Well 2 weeks ago I had an OB appointment with the 3rd doctor. His bedside manner is not my favorite, but beggars can't be choosers and living in the middle of nowhere makes you a beggar when it comes to choices in doctors.

At first we were discussing what the next step in our fertility treatments would be when he noticed my blood disorders in my chart. His entire demeanor changed and he told me bluntly that what I have is very dangerous and I am at a high risk of developing a blood clot, and if I were to become pregnant I would be at a very significant risk of developing a fatal pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lungs.) He said I needed to immediately stop trying to become pregnant and needed to see a hematologist right away to discuss my risks. His words were, "It may not be safe for you to ever become pregnant."

Well that was not a fun day. I told Crockett, my mom, & my sister, but decided not to tell anyone else anything until I met with the hematologist and knew for sure what I was facing. I was scared, but desperately seeking God's peace. I'm not afraid to die, but the idea of not being able to have a child myself made me sad. Not for myself, but for my husband. I'm ok with the idea of never having our own children. I just want to love a child and raise him or her to love Jesus. I don't care if that child genetically belongs to me or not, but I know how bad my husband wants a son and I desperately want to give him that.

I talked to my sister about surrogacy and she said she'd do it for us if we needed. Not that we can even remotely afford it right now, but I have to admit knowing I have that option one day is really nice. 

Well 2 VERY long weeks later I finally saw the hematologist. I won't say he wasn't the sweetest old man ever, but he cursed multiple times in our appointment and the first thing he said was, "I just want to know why the hell you were even tested for this." o.O I have 2 mutations, Factor 5 Liden & MTHFR. He basically said that MTHFR is pointless to even know about because it means nothing. He also said that the Factor 5 increases my risk for a blood clot from .3% chance per year to .9- 1.2% chance per year which is not enough to treat or even be concerned about. Every woman's risk for clotting increases when they become pregnant and mine would also increase, but slightly higher, yet still not significantly enough to worry about. He said the only thing I need to do is common sense practice to avoid clotting like not cross my legs when sitting, stop every hour or so on road trips to stretch my legs, stay active (o goody), etc. He said he would in no way suggest I shouldn't have children and was very nonchalant about it all. 

I've decided that this is good news, but considering that my cousin and sister's doctors warned them about other things that my doctor did not, I've decided to get a second opinion. We're still going to keep trying because I really do believe that my risk isn't bad enough to avoid pregnancy, but I also am going to heed the warnings my cousin's doctor gave her while trying to conceive until I can get a second opinion.

So that's that. I'm not going to blame Michigan doctors, but I've had more conflicting doctor's reports in the last 8 months here than I've had in my whole life. It stinks, but what can I do? So we're still trying for a baby and also moving forward with our licensing for foster/adoption (until next time when they tell us something else shocking and probably not true.) 

In other news, after 25 years I met a candy bar I could not finish. Yes, it's true. I bought a Milky Way Simply Caramel and it was so rich I had to save half of it for later. :O

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