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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Hardest Thing. Ever.

Well, today is day one without Crockett. Only 51 more to go. Time is going so slow already. I am so ready for August 17. I don't even think I was this anxious for our wedding as it approached. (Ok, maybe I was. It's been a while.) All I know is that I am absolutely without a doubt being carried by a strength not my own. There is no way that Becca Thompson kissed her husband and walked away on solid legs (with a solid stomach.) I know for certain that my Savior emptied me and filled me up with him in that moment. My mom has always said that God gives grace for the moment and not a moment too soon. She was absolutely right. The entire anticipatory wait for Crockett's departure to the military I have not been able to picture that last departing moment when we would see each other for the last time for 8 weeks. Now I know there is a reason I couldn't imagine it; because I could not do it. I received grace in that moment where God gave me the strength to do what I was not capable of doing. My God is AMAZING! The past 36 hours have been incredibly surreal. There are moments when life seems normal. Like an average day where Crockett is golfing with friends or at a BYX event or work and will be home later. After I said good-bye to him I drove to my sisters where I stayed the night. We went to the movies, went shopping, watched Netflix, played with my nephew... all normal things I would do while Crockett was busy. Even spending the night at her house wasn't a stretch. I have had a few girly sleepovers throughout our marriage. And up until 9pm last night Crockett had his phone, so it wasn't until today that I got a taste of the small moments that stole my breath and my heart ached for my best friend. The little things that would make me think to tell him would remind me that I can't just text him the silly things anymore. I wanted to say, "I'm getting Jess to watch the Bolivia special of Top Gear!" and a thousand other things. Crockett is the one I tell everything to. The big stuff, the little stuff, the silly stuff. All of it. So I really missed our inside jokes today. It's not like I can just randomly text other people, "I just peed in a bathroom that WASN'T McDonalds on a road trip!!" and have them understand the significance of it. So I've decided these small moments will be the hardest, but I am so grateful for the closeness I'm already feeling in the most refreshing and wonderful relationship ever. My Jesus has been so present throughout this entire journey so far and I'm at peace knowing that he isn't going anywhere. He has already begun teaching/reminding me so much. I have more to be thankful for than I could ever deserve. Here are a few.
- Not many men are worth crying over. Mine is one of them.
- My husband is brave and courageous in the name of his Father and loves me more than I could possibly understand.
- No matter who or what comes into my life or for however long, he/she/it is a gift from God. Not something I deserve, but simply a gift from my Father who loves me so much he wanted to bring me joy through the gift. Crockett and our marriage are two of those many gifts.
- I desire my husband. I desperately need my God.
- My God is able to do ALL things. Even the things I cannot fathom. His grace is sufficient and will meet me in my need on time, every time.

Crockett & I after he swore in under the Coast Guard symbol.

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