I had an appointment with my doctor today and it was overall very good. This was my first time to meet the doctor (I had previously met with the PA) and I really liked him. I am so thankful Crockett was off and got to go with me. First we found out that I do in fact have the 2 blood disorders that I was tested for a week ago. I will meet with a hematologist sometime next week to discuss the life implications of these disorders, but because almost all the women in my family, including a nurse and my sister, has already tested positive I pretty much know what it means for me. I won't bore you with details, but basically I have a genetic mutation. If you are really curious you can read more about them here: Factor 5 Leiden and MTHFR mutation.
More importantly we found out about this supposed ectopic pregnancy they were worried I had. It has been determined I am NOT pregnant. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me safe! What I do have, however, is a cyst on one of my ovaries and the doctor believes the cyst had released blood which is what the "blockage" was. At first this scared me because a good friend of mine had cysts on her ovaries and had to have painful surgery to remove them. Apparently the kind I have is normal and the doctor isn't worried about it.
So the scary part is over and now we are back on our original fertility journey. I have been prescribed a fertility drug so now we begin the process of starting that. I'm a little nervous because I know that fertility drugs increase the chances of multiples. (Funny side story: When I was picking up my prescription the pharmacist said, "That drug gave me twins. Be careful." Awesome. Way to scare me to death.) But let's be honest, I was totally freaked about getting pregnant before this. If you don't know this about me, I am a total wimp. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm the biggest baby when it comes to pain that you've ever met. I cry every time I vomit or even feel nauseous. So as much as I want to be a mom and feel deeply called to motherhood, I am pretty much terrified of pregnancy. And also of caring for a newborn alone. (Hubs is gone a lot with his job and everyone I know lives across the country.)
BUT GOD. (Ephesians 1) But God has redeemed me and I am a daughter of Christ. I have the Spirit who will get me through this. All the things I'm terrified of, all the things I know will be difficult, I know I will endure and I will be just fine. God is my rock and my strength when I am weak. I know it won't be easy, but I am prepared to be all that I can be in whatever role God calls me to. If he calls me to be the mom of one or none or six I will do it with all that I have for the glory of the King. So right now I'm nervous and I'm scared, but I'm praying for peace because ultimately I have nothing to fear. I am safe in the hands of my Creator who loves me and so are my babies (however many of them there may be!).
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.- Psalm 139:13