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Friday, December 7, 2012

Light in the Tunnel

Well today is the final post in the "Ectopic Pregnancy Scare" series, but definitely not the last post in the fertility journey. This was all just one little part of our journey. You can catch up here with part 1 and part 2.

I had an appointment with my doctor today and it was overall very good. This was my first time to meet the doctor (I had previously met with the PA) and I really liked him. I am so thankful Crockett was off and got to go with me. First we found out that I do in fact have the 2 blood disorders that I was tested for a week ago. I will meet with a hematologist sometime next week to discuss the life implications of these disorders, but because almost all the women in my family, including a nurse and my sister, has already tested positive I pretty much know what it means for me. I won't bore you with details, but basically I have a genetic mutation. If you are really curious you can read more about them here: Factor 5 Leiden and MTHFR mutation.

More importantly we found out about this supposed ectopic pregnancy they were worried I had. It has been determined I am NOT pregnant. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me safe! What I do have, however, is a cyst on one of my ovaries and the doctor believes the cyst had released blood which is what the "blockage" was. At first this scared me because a good friend of mine had cysts on her ovaries and had to have painful surgery to remove them. Apparently the kind I have is normal and the doctor isn't worried about it.

So the scary part is over and now we are back on our original fertility journey. I have been prescribed a fertility drug so now we begin the process of starting that. I'm a little nervous because I know that fertility drugs increase the chances of multiples. (Funny side story: When I was picking up my prescription the pharmacist said, "That drug gave me twins. Be careful." Awesome. Way to scare me to death.) But let's be honest, I was totally freaked about getting pregnant before this. If you don't know this about me, I am a total wimp. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm the biggest baby when it comes to pain that you've ever met. I cry every time I vomit or even feel nauseous. So as much as I want to be a mom and feel deeply called to motherhood, I am pretty much terrified of pregnancy. And also of caring for a newborn alone. (Hubs is gone a lot with his job and everyone I know lives across the country.)

BUT GOD. (Ephesians 1) But God has redeemed me and I am a daughter of Christ. I have the Spirit who will get me through this. All the things I'm terrified of, all the things I know will be difficult, I know I will endure and I will be just fine. God is my rock and my strength when I am weak. I know it won't be easy, but I am prepared to be all that I can be in whatever role God calls me to. If he calls me to be the mom of one or none or six I will do it with all that I have for the glory of the King. So right now I'm nervous and I'm scared, but I'm praying for peace because ultimately I have nothing to fear. I am safe in the hands of my Creator who loves me and so are my babies (however many of them there may be!).

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.- Psalm 139:13

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