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Saturday, September 27, 2008



i claim to have felt this before. in 2 ways, the receiving and giving end. have i really loved? yes. definitely. i have this little sister and she is my whole entire world. there is absolutely nothing she could do to ever make me stop loving her. she's tried; not on purpose tho. the indescribable feeling in my soul for her is the definition of unconditional love on earth. i can't imagine feeling stronger for someone, not even my child.
i love my mother. but in a more greatful way than my sister. i'm so thankful for all the sacrifices she's made for me and impressed by all she's overcome in life.
i love my father. but in a "i wish i knew you, i'm sure we would have been inseperable" kinda way.
i have been told that i am loved before. my "first love". did he really love me? how could he? he was only 18 when we started dating and 22 when we broke up. the things he did... the way he treated me, spoke to me... if those things are really love then i don't wanna love. but i know that that's not love. not real love.
i was loved by another. he too, broke my heart. but his was more of a "im human mistake" than a " i know what im doing and i know it hurts you" mistake. but i know love takes many forms and i'm still trying to figure out his.
i was loved in a definite friend zone. my best friend. :) but that love died with time. isn't love supposed to be eternal?

i think i've decided that i have truly experienced loving someone else. family, friend, and romantic kinds. and i've experienced true family and maybe friend love. but i don't think i've truly been loved romanticly. and maybe that's why i want to see what it's like. what it's really like to love someone and have them love you back. that must be a heavenly feeling.

there's one more kind of love i've felt. the best kind. the most perfect kind. God's unconditional, eternal love. i really can't explain what it's like to be carried when i'm left standing alone and unable to breathe. when i'm feeling desperate and alone, knowing the one who made me this way, did it for a reason and said his work "is good."

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